Name Philip Laws
Year of birth 1973
Type of care facility Foster homes; boys’ homes – Epuni Boys’ Home in Te Awa Kairangi ki Tai Lower Hutt, Stanmore Road Boys’ Home in Ōtautahi Christchurch, Hamilton Boys’ Home in Kirikiriroa Hamilton, Hokio Beach School near Taitoko Levin, Kohitere Boys’ Training Centre in Taitoko Levin; health camps – Glenelg Children’s Health Camp in Ōtautahi Christchurch.
Ethnicity NZ European
Whānau background Philip has one brother. His parents separated when he was 6 years old and he and his brother lived with his father. He lived with his mother sometimes in between stays at boys’ homes.
Currently Philip has a daughter. He is on the supported living benefit because his post-traumatic stress disorder keeps him from working. He has a good relationship with his mother and his relationship with his father is better now, but difficult.

I’ve had serious dyslexia my entire life – I believe I was one of the first to be diagnosed in 1983. This has made reading and writing difficult for me throughout my life. I struggled with school and I never received adequate support for my disability.

My parents separated when I was 6 years old and I chose to live with my father. Because I was struggling with school so much, I became a handful. My brother and I were afraid of him and were acting out at school.

My father is, and always has been, highly religious. He had a hard time dealing with my brother and me as a single father. He wanted to work more and did not want to take care of us. Whenever my father got involved with another woman, we were pushed aside, ignored and left to our own devices.

Sometimes there was normalcy, but it depended on my father's emotional state. I would express myself at school – I would be angry just like my father was.

My father had a breakdown when I was around 9 years old and I went to Glenelg Children’s Health Camp. I was sexually assaulted there. I ended up in State care – in Epuni, Stanmore and Hamilton boys’ homes. There was lots of physical violence between the boys and I ran away a lot. In the end I was placed at Hokio because I was considered to be too difficult to manage.

It didn’t take me long to discover that violence was encouraged and promoted at Hokio. In secure at Hokio, we were required to have a freezing shower at 5.30am. There was a clear punishment system – if you ran away, you got put back in secure. They would force us to run around in a circle and exercise until we were absolutely exhausted. While exercising, other boys would chase us down with racist slurs, and staff watched.

One day, after I’d been there for about a month, three boys forced me to perform oral sex on each of them. I reported the abuse – I was sick of being sexually abused. I told a staff member who seemed to listen to me. He told me he knew they had sexually assaulted me and that they would be punished, but that I was not allowed to tell any of the other boys what had happened, or I would be punished.

Staff knew there was sexual abuse but wanted to cover it up. l don’t know if there was any documentation taken about this sexual assault.

The only punishment those boys got was being put in secure. But when they got out of secure, they didn’t try to assault me again. They harassed me but the anger inside me was growing, and I started to stand up to them.

One night, a boy accidentally spilled tea on me and burnt me. I was angry and a staff member got us to fight it out in the gym. I was a monster. I destroyed the other boy. I still feel so guilty about this and think of myself as the villain in that situation. I had been the victim so many times and then I victimised someone. Those places bred criminals. 

I stayed at Hokio for approximately three to four months and did not run away in that time. I started thinking if I was going to survive, I was going to survive the right way. There were some good staff members and the education was a lot better than what I’d previously had. I got more help with my dyslexia, and got involved with sports.

I was sent to Kohitere over the school holidays. A boy dragged me into a room and made me perform oral sex on him, then he raped me. I ran away for two weeks before I was caught and taken back to Hokio. The staff asked me why I had run away. I told them who raped me but they put me in secure anyway. I got some counselling, but I didn’t find it helpful. I’ve never seen any documentation about this.

After the rape, some staff started sticking up for me a bit. They’d let me visit my mother for a weekend. I didn’t run away while on leave because I didn’t want her to be blamed. I waited until I returned to Hokio before I ran away for a final time, and they never caught me again. I was discharged as a State ward when I was 15 years old.

The abuse I suffered, and the lack of education and support for my dyslexia, have ruined my life. The sexual, physical and emotional abuse I suffered in State care has destroyed most of my relationships. I’ve had substance abuse issues and been in prison. I self-medicated with drugs and alcohol to block out the trauma – to the point where I didn’t care if I died. I’ve been quick to fly off the handle throughout my life so I decided I had to get help. I’ve been in regular counselling for about three-and-a-half years. It’s made a huge difference.

I blame the State for what happened to me in the system. Children need care and protection – it’s not a prison, it should be about care, not punishment. Case workers should be better trained to recognise issues and protect children. They should be able to show children that there are options out there other than drugs, alcohol and prison.

There were several opportunities for someone in the system to help me. I needed a case worker who would listen and could deal with a child. No-one ever asked me why I was running away, not once.

Everyone just said I was a bad kid.[482]