Kua whāwhākia e ngā tini purapura ora ngā mate hinengaro kua pā ki a rātou    
Many survivors report they suffer with mental health conditions

122.   Survivors have shared how the devastating effects of being abused and neglected have led to shame, guilt, low self-esteem and self-worth, an overwhelming sense of loss, emptiness, sadness and extreme grief at what had happened to them.

123.   Many survivors have either been diagnosed with mental health conditions such as depression, anxiety, PTSD or experience symptoms but have not been formally diagnosed. One survivor said he had suffered from “intense episodes of depression” and would spend a lot of time crying about what happened to him at Marylands. He said he had spent most of his life blaming himself for what happened at the school and thinking it was somehow his fault: “I feel intensely ashamed by the sexual abuse, and I often feel intensely alone as well. I don’t believe that people like me, and I often feel distressed about my life.”^[358]

124.   A Hebron Trust survivor said he returned to Aotearoa New Zealand and “ended up back in Christchurch, which was my biggest fear after leaving there in my late teens. I have been on the sickness benefit, and diagnosed with PTSD, anxiety, and depression.”^[359]

125.   Cooper Legal represented a Māori Hebron Trust survivor Mr HF, who suffered many forms of abuse. They summarise how the impact of abuse manifested in so many areas of Mr HF’s life:

“He has been diagnosed with Complex PTSD, depression, anxiety, and drug abuse issues as a direct result of the abuse he suffered at the hands of Brother McGrath.

Mr HF abused drugs and alcohol, particularly alcohol, to suppress the memories of the abuse.

Even when engaging with us, Mr HF still carried a great sense of shame about being a victim of sexual abuse. This was particularly troublesome for him as a long-term prison inmate.

Mr HF has problems with relationships and intimacy. He has had ongoing physical health issues because of the damage to his anus.”^[360]

Ko tōna hautoru ka tahuri ki te tarukino, ki te waipiro rānei hei whakamauru i ngā takakinotanga          
About three quarters turned to drugs or alcohol to cope with the abuse

126.   Approximately three-quarters of survivors we spoke to had turned to drugs or alcohol as a way of coping with their abuse. James Tasker said he began drinking heavily at Marylands:

“It shut me off from what was going on. It helped me take no notice of what was going on with the brothers. It shut it out, relaxed me, calmed me. Without it I was always fired up, I never let my back down. Even now, I’m always watching.”^[361]

127.   One Hebron Trust survivor, Mr HE, sniffed glue as a coping mechanism. On one occasion after being raped, he “went straight to Linwood Park. He lost his bowels and then tried to clean himself in the toilet. After that, Mr HE started sniffing solvents more heavily, trying to forget about the rape”.^[362]

128.   Typically, boys who began taking drugs and alcohol as a way of erasing memories of their abuse developed a habit that continued into their adult lives. One survivor, Mr FB, who was sent to Marylands and Lake Alice Hospital, told us how he began drinking at 15 and before long had a daily drinking habit. He was determined never to be sober enough to remember what happened to him. Mr FB now has pancreatitis from his alcohol abuse:

“I remained an alcoholic for the next 30 years of my life (except for periods of imprisonment) and this cost me in terms of money, relationships, employment and my health.”^[363]

129.   Cooper Legal said one client, Mr HP, abused drugs and alcohol, and went on to commit offences while under the influence of drugs. It said his behaviour deteriorated rapidly after he was raped repeatedly by Brother McGrath while at Hebron Trust: “His use of methamphetamine, cannabis and pills escalated. He resorted to drinking alcohol daily. Mr HP suffered from nightmares frequently and resorted to violence, frequently assaulting those he came across.”^[364]

130.   Another Hebron Trust survivor, Mr HQ, had struggled to form any sort of relationship that was not based on drug abuse. He was addicted to drugs and alcohol, had committed violent offences and had been in prison numerous times: “He has had no meaningful relationships or friendships. He says that all his relationships have been built on a common addiction to drugs and pills.”^[365]

Ko ētahi ka taka ki te kiri haehaetanga me te kiri tūkinotanga

Some resorted to self-harm or self-mutilation

131.   We have heard that some survivors resorted to full-body tattooing to modify their appearance to consciously make themselves unattractive:

“Mr HC tried to suppress the memories of the abuse by Brother McGrath, by using drugs and alcohol. He tattooed himself all over his body, to make himself unattractive. Mr HC resorted to violence. He described not trusting others and suffering from low self-esteem.”^[366]

132.   Cooper Legal, which also represented Mr HD, said:

“Because of Mr HD’s hatred for the Catholic Church, he has turned his whole body into a demon. Mr HD has covered his whole body in tattoos of demons’ heads, all because of Brother McGrath. Mr HD still carries hatred towards Brother McGrath and will never forgive him.”^[367]

133.   Mr CB, a disabled Marylands survivor who lived with and was supported by his mother for his entire adult life, was moved to State housing soon after she died. Mr CB felt unsafe and distressed in his new home. “I would lie in bed just stressing remembering what happened to me at Marylands.” During this time, Mr CB would self-harm and tried to end his life:

“I went to Hillmorton Hospital for about three weeks for self-harming and then they sent me to Princess Margaret Hospital for respite then to Burwood Hospital.”^[368]

He nui te hunga i whakaarotia te whakamomori, ā ko ētahi i mahia atu Many contemplated suicide, with some taking their life

134.   For many survivors the struggle for hope and meaning in life is a difficult one. Many survivors told us they had contemplated suicide, some had attempted suicide and we learned that some victims did take their own life.

135.   Danny Akula said that what he struggled with most was that he was coming to the later part of his life and that he had “nothing to show for it. I have no wife, no children, no house, and no career. I often wonder what’s the point and why I am still here”.^[369]

136.   Ms IO told us that her son took his own life five weeks after she tried to speak to him about the abuse at Marylands:

“I wanted to have a conversation with him about McGrath. He said ‘what for?’ and I said that McGrath had been interfering with boys at Marylands. I asked him – ‘did he interfere with you?’ And [he] told me that he did not want to talk about it.”^[370]

137.   During the Marylands hearing in February 2022, one survivor was asked how things would be different if he hadn’t been abused at Marylands:

“I wouldn’t be in the state I am today and most of my life, because as you get older it’s killing me.”^[371]

“I feel crap. I feel rubbish. I feel like my life’s not worth living. I’ve almost committed suicide once or twice. And one day it will happen because I can see the strain that I face.”^[372]

Tuakiri ā-ia, ā-taera
Sexual and gender identity

138.   Some survivors have told us the sexual abuse has caused them to question their sexual orientation and gender identity. Mr AQ, said he had struggled in his relationships with women: “My sexuality was a little confused, and I feel that this could have been the result of the abuse I suffered as a child at Marylands. Had I not been abused as a child, I may have ended up having straight preferences in respect of my sexuality.”^[373]

139.   One survivor said he didn’t have a partner or any children, and for a long time he wondered if he might be gay because “intimacy is such a big problem for me. I always thought that I was a dirty person and that I was to blame for the abuse.”^[374]

140.   Another survivor told us the abuse had caused him to question both his sexual and gender identity:

“[The abuse] certainly confused me sexually. There were times when I didn’t know if I was male or female. I’ve felt intense shame and have struggled to understand my sexuality at times, I can say that the abuse has made me feel sexually inadequate – I didn’t know if I was Arthur or Martha. I had a gay relationship after my marriage ended. I also tried to have [a relationship] with a woman at the same time and neither of them worked. Figuring out my sexuality was an issue for me throughout.”^[375]

141.   Hebron Trust survivor Hanz Freller said “[t]he abuse made me question who I was as a person, ‘who am I? What am I?’ I questioned my sexuality too.”^[376]

142.   Survivor Mr JA said “[i]nitally I was confused about my sexuality after the abuse, and it took several years to understand I was heterosexual and able to have relationships with women.”^[377]

Te ngaromanga o te whakapono me te wairuatanga     
Loss of faith and spirituality

143.   A common theme from most of the survivors of the Order’s care who the Inquiry heard from was that the abuse and neglect had completely shattered their trust in the church and any connection with religion or spirituality.

144.   Mr AU said the sexual abuse he suffered at the orphanage took away any sense of security as “[w]hatever I had left to believe in was taken. I was not wanted at home, and I was not protected by God”.^[378]

145.   Mr IY, who also suffered sexual abuse under the guise of religious cleansing at the orphanage, said that the abuse destroyed his relationship with God and he described himself as a “soulless man” but he still searches for God in some way and that he “asks questions every now and then”.^[379]

146.   A Marylands survivor said: “When I was a boy I used to believe in God, but after the brothers had sex with me I couldn’t believe in God anymore.”^[380]

147.   Another survivor, Mr CZ, said his wife and her parents were Catholics and when their son was due to start high school, they wanted him to go to St Bede’s College, a Catholic school, and he said he couldn’t let that happen.^[381]

148.   The betrayal of trust felt by survivors has resulted in anger and hatred towards the Catholic Church. One survivor was charged with arson after he set fire to a Catholic Church.^[382] Other survivors have shared similar thoughts with the Inquiry.^[383] Mr DG said:

“Since being at Marylands I have always felt anger about how I was treated. I will never forget Marylands until the day I die. I have driven past the site a few times on Nash Road, Halswell when heading to south Christchurch and it triggers the bad memories.”^[384]

Te ngaromanga o te ahurea Māori
Loss of Māori culture

149.   Some Māori survivors said their separation from whānau, hapū and iwi and placement in a racist and discriminatory institution resulted in a feeling of disconnection from their culture. Mr HZ said he was totally separated from his Māori culture:

“I was separated totally from my Māori culture. I’m not Māori, I’m a native of this land. I don’t have culture. The only sense of belonging and support I ever felt was being part of a criminal gang.”^[385]

150.   Māori survivor, Mr DM, described feeling disconnected from his Māori culture and whakapapa: “I am New Zealand Māori, but such is the effect of my displacement with my culture, that I do not know much about my cultural heritage.” The Department of Social Welfare placed Mr DM with his grandmother after his mother died. During this time, Mr DM was sent to different boys’ homes to support his grandmother with his care, before being placed at Marylands.^[386]

Te korenga i āhei ki te whakapono
Inability to trust

151.   Survivors the Inquiry heard from described a deep distrust of people in religious positions, people in positions of authority such as police^[387], loss of trust in all men and some survivors said they struggled to trust anyone at all. One survivor said:

“I do not have relationships because I do not believe in them. I also have a lot of trouble trusting people. I am also anti-authority to the extent that I have no trust or faith in any government department or the courts. I believe that people are not safe, even when they are just walking in the street. There is nothing to help people when they have been hurt.”^[388]

Te pānga o ngā whakangongo ā-ako
Impact of educational neglect

152.   The Inquiry heard that the failure of the Order and the State to provide even the most basic education to many boys who were at Marylands had untold consequences for their later lives. Most we heard from could find only menial, low-paying work, and some lacked the most basic life skills. One survivor, Mr AL, said he spent 10 years at Marylands but was left so ill-equipped for life that he spent, in effect, another 10 years getting on his feet. He said he was “never taught anything at Marylands” and he felt like he, along with other boys, “came out of Marylands School like idiots”:

“I could not even go into a shop when I left Marylands. I was so frightened I would wait until all the customers left and then go and ask the cashier how much to give over. We just did not know what money was.”^[389]

153.   Many said their abuse had greatly diminished their chances of finding meaningful work. Trevor McDonald said he couldn’t read or write when he left Marylands. He told us:

“[E]verything I know now, I have taught myself. I can read now, but very slowly. It has affected my ability to get jobs. I’ve been robbed.”^[390]

154.   Another survivor expressed great sadness at how his life had turned out after failing to get an education at Marylands: “Now I am left with jobs like the trolleys at Woolworths, or cleaning.”^[391]

155.   Survivor Hanz Freller said he might have completed his sixth-form exams and gone on to become a physical exercise teacher if he had not been sexually abused at Hebron Trust. He said he had been at Ellesmere College and had admired the football coach and wanted to model himself on that teacher. Hanz told us “[t]he sexual abuse completely changed the course of my life.”^[392]

156.   One survivor, a qualified chef, said he lost many jobs because of his outbursts of anger.^[393] Another had been unable to work because he suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder and severe sleep disturbances.^[394]

157.   Some survivors ended up with criminal convictions that had limited their employment prospects. Cooper Legal said one client, Mr HK, had many assault convictions, and most stemmed from outbursts of anger. He had been employed, but his criminal history meant he could not pursue his real ambition – a career in the police force.^[395]

Te rawakoretanga me te kāingakoretanga
Financial hardship and homelessness

158.   Some survivors found themselves living in poverty or in inadequate housing. Some were homeless. Dr Mulvihill told us how she and Brother Burke met one survivor of Marylands who lived in a shared house with other men in Invercargill. They met him in his room. She said his possessions consisted of a single bed with threadbare bedclothes, a side table, a lamp and a chair:

“I remember how freezing cold this house was. He was in very poor physical shape. We sat on the floor in his room and he was very apologetic that he could not offer us chairs. He turned on a small electric heater that he had borrowed from someone especially for our visit. He was so proud to offer this to us.”^[396]

159.   The Order paid for one survivor, Alan Nixon, to attend a psychiatric centre in Dunedin for a period of time, but as a result Social Welfare would not approve his sickness benefit (even though the funds for treatment were not being paid to him). Therefore, he had no money for other living costs:

“I remember that some of the other patients at the Ashburn Clinic supported me financially for a bit, but I felt really bad about this. I asked to be sent back to prison, but my probation officer wouldn’t do that.”^[397]

Ngā tūkinotanga i raro i te taurimatanga ka tūhonohono ki ngā mahi taihara mō muri ake 
Abuse in care linked to later criminal offending

160.   We have seen a clear link from the evidence between earlier abuse and later criminal offending. Mr HO, a client of Cooper Legal, and a Hebron Trust survivor progressed from abuse to a life of crime and imprisonment:

“Mr HO describes leaving home after he was abused by Brother McGrath. He started to sniff glue and became a skinhead and a drug addict.

Mr HO started to offend. He had a brief admission to Kingslea in 1992. By that stage, he was prospecting for a gang.

From there, Mr HO progressed to prison. He has been in and out of trouble. He still has problems with drugs and alcohol.”^[398]

161.   Adam Powell said his experiences at Marylands turned him into “an angry, bad-attitude little kid” and he “ended up going down a bad path”.^[399]

162.   One survivor abused at Hebron Trust said it took a while for the abuse by Brother McGrath to “properly sink in”, but from about the age of 14 he began to experience a lot of anger and repeatedly got into trouble with police.^[400]

163.   In some cases crime was a way for survivors to earn money. Mr EU, a Hebron Trust survivor, left home at either 15 or 16 but had no income and had to fend for himself. To make enough money to eat and survive, he turned to petty crime.^[401] He also describes how in his mid to late-teens, he turned to prostitution to make money: “It was the police who assisted me to seek welfare assistance, which I relied on for my financial support for many years.”^[402]

164.   Some survivors who were sexually abused went on to sexually abuse others.^[403] One said he began sexually abusing women as a result of sexual abuse at Marylands and later Porirua Hospital: “Between 1970 and 1973, I was in court frequently for such offences.”^[404]

165.   Another survivor went on to commit serious offending that he has told us was connected to his abuse at Marylands.^[405]

Ko ētehi purapura ora i tahuri ki ngā kēnge
Some survivors turned to gangs

166.   We have heard from survivors who turned to gang communities to feel a sense of belonging. Adam Powell said:

“I ended up on the street trying to find a family, so I joined the Mob. I would have been around sixteen years old. I stayed down the river in Hamilton under a bridge. The Mob gave me a sense of belonging and they felt like family to me. They took me under their wing and I was brought up by some of the boys in the Mob and their ladies. I learnt a lot from them, but I also did silly stuff. I eventually learned from all my mistakes but at the time, that was family to me.”^[406]

167.   Mr HZ also joined a gang. He became a patched member at 25, and he said it gave him a sense of belonging “as well as a sense of authority and heaps of power with the support of the gang behind me”.^[407]

Whakawhanaunga ki ngā tamariki
Relationships with tamariki

168.   Survivors described how the trauma of their sexual abuse had deeply affected their relationships with their children. Some were so ill-equipped for the task of parenthood that authorities removed their children from them. Mr HZ experienced exactly that:

“I have never been given the chance to develop proper parenting skills, and because of this I have had my children taken away from me. I have never been taught about normal physical and emotional relationships with people I love.” ^[408]

169.   One survivor said he often found it uncomfortable to hug or bathe his daughter because he would have flashbacks:

“When I bathed my daughter, I was paranoid and always asked her to sit facing away from me. I had a fear of touching her and even doing small things like putting talcum powder on her after a bath. I was also worried about what my daughter would think.”^[409]

170.   Some survivors found it difficult to leave their children in the care of others. One said he worried all the time about somebody hurting his children: “I am very protective over them and won’t trust anyone else to look after them, apart from their mother.”^[410]

171.    Another survivor said he, too, was overly protective about his children and had to know what had happened to them each day: “I certainly did not have enough trust to allow my kids to go to a Catholic boarding school. I desperately wanted to do all I could to prevent them being exposed to what I had been as a child.”^[411]

172.   Hanz Freller said he would agonise over allowing his children to attend school camps, boy scouts, drama classes and other extracurricular activities: “I did not want them to be put in a position where there was a power imbalance and no one overseeing what was going on.”^[412]

173.   Some survivors felt they could not trust themselves to be good parents and so chose not to have children. Cooper Legal said one Hebron Trust survivor, Mr HQ, would not have children because he had strong parents and a strong family who should have protected him, but were unable to do so.^[413]

174.   A survivor from the orphanage said that two of his children were in prison, and he would look at them and see younger versions of himself: “That affects me. I saw things and carried them on and now these two young boys have seen them and carried it on.”^[414]

Whakawhanaunga ki ngā hoa tāne/hoa wahine
Relationships with partners

175.   Many survivors told us about their difficulties in forming and maintaining intimate relationships. Brent Campbell said he struggled with relationships and had tried over the years to have a girlfriend, but it didn’t work.^[415] Mr AU said his sexual abuse made him distrustful of people, including even his wife:

“When my wife went out with her friends, I would fear that she would abandon me. Sometimes she would come home after having been out and I had tipped the whole house upside down while she was out as I could not handle the situation. I would have been drinking heavily to deal with the stress. I was also generally suspicious of anyone who tried to help me ...”^[416]

176.   Many spoke about their difficulties with physical intimacy. One survivor said he had never had a girlfriend until he met his future wife because he was too shy and embarrassed:

“I thought no one would love me and that I was disgusting … [We] have had sexual problems as I get memories of the abuse when we have sex and this makes me feel terrible. We do not have children.”^[417]

177.   Mr EU said that he “struggled with intimacy and was rejected early on by a girl due to [his] awkwardness and discomfort with [his] body”.^[418]

178.   Another survivor said he had only had one girlfriend, and that was many years ago. The abuse made him wary of – indeed, scared about – relationships with people: “I have not had any other sexual relationships with anyone since Marylands.”^[419]

179.   Another survivor said the sexual abuse had made nights an ordeal for him and his wife: “I get horrible nightmares. I toss and turn and cry and scream out in my sleep. My wife tries to cuddle me but I push her away. I wake up covered in sweat.”^[420]

180.   A number of survivors said they had become violent towards their partners and others as a result of their abuse. One said: “I was not born a violent man. I became one because of the abuse I suffered.”^[421]

Whakawhanaunga ki ngā mātua
Relationships with parents

181.   Some survivors blamed their parents for leaving them in the care of the Order. One Hebron Trust survivor, Mr HO, was estranged from his parents because he considered they shared some of the blame for what had happened to him.^[422] Often, parents felt an overwhelming sense of guilt for sending their children to abusive institutions. One parent said Mr MB was their only son, and they still felt devastated by his disability and abuse: “I think I have overcompensated with guilt. What a waste of a life and we were part of it, we have to live with it.”^[423]

182.   Ms DN, whose brother was sexually abused at Marylands, said her mother felt intense guilt because she did what she thought was the right thing: “She was always told by the Catholic hierarchy that she was lucky the St John of God Brothers were there to help boys with disabilities; but sadly, they did not live up to their name and have destroyed so many lives.”^[424]

Te tuku ihotanga o ngā pānga mai i tētehi reanga ki tētehi, me ngā āhuatanga ka mauroa 
Long-lasting and intergenerational impacts

183.   As a result of these impacts, survivors have experienced a lack of connection with family and whānau, iwi and hapū, lack of belonging with their communities, a lack of local friendship and a loss of social capital.

184.   Survivors have described the long-lasting and devastating impacts of the abuse in care that have led to intergenerational consequences. The impacts have been found to ripple out to whānau, hapū, iwi and communities for years and generations.

Nga Whakakitenga: Te āhua, te whānui me ngā pānga o te takakino me te whakangongo
Findings: The nature, extent and impacts of abuse and neglect

Te āhua o ngā tūkinotanga me ngā whakakitenga whakangongo Nature of abuse and neglect findings

185.   The Royal Commission finds in relation to the nature of abuse and neglect:

a.         At Marylands:

i.    Extensive and extreme abuse and neglect of tamariki occurred including:

›      sexual abuse by brothers

›      sexual and physical abuse by boys at the school towards other boys

›      physical abuse, sometimes of an extreme nature by brothers

›      pervasive neglect by brothers including neglect of basic needs and cultural, medical, emotional needs, as well as the need for a loving home

›      pervasive educational neglect by brothers, children’s development and progression in learning was not prioritised

›      emotional and psychological abuse, including witnessing violence and sexual abuse and perpetual fear

›      religious abuse

›      cultural abuse.

ii.     Survivors experienced racism.

iii.    Marylands had selection processes, policies around admissions and teachability, and standards of care for disabled children that we now understand to be reflective of ableism.

b.         At Hebron Trust:

i.    Extensive and extreme abuse of rangatahioccurred  including:

›      sexual abuse by Brother McGrath.

›      physical abuse, sometimes of an extreme nature.

›      emotional and psychological abuse, including witnessing violence and sexual abuse, and perpetual fear.

›      religious abuse.

›      cultural abuse.

ii.   Survivors experienced racism.

c.         At both Hebron Trust and Marylands we find:

i.    The evidence from survivors to be credible accounts of abuse and neglect occurring.

ii.     The sexual abuse that occurred at Marylands and Hebron Trust was pervasive and in many cases, severe and extreme. It caused the children and young people subjected to it, mental and physical pain and suffering. There is evidence of sexual abuse being used as punishment, as well as to intimidate.

Ngā whakakitenga: Te whānuitanga o ngā mahi tūkino me ngā whakangongotanga
Findings:  The extent of abuse and neglect

186.   The Royal Commission finds in relation to the extent of abuse and neglect:

a.         It is likely that more disabled boys were abused at Marylands than the Inquiry has knowledge of. There are significant barriers to the disclosure and reporting of abuse by disabled survivors.

b.         Based on the evidence the Inquiry has received, approximately half of the rangatahi who used Hebron Trust’s services were rangatahi Māori. As set out in He Purapura Ora, he Māra Tipu: From Redress to Puretumu Torowhānui, Māori and Pacific people face high barriers to disclosing abuse.^[425] There are likely to be Māori and Pacific survivors who have never reported their abuse, neglect or both and who have not received assistance or support.

c.         Even on the basis of the incomplete data, and the known barriers to disclosure and reporting, when comparing Marylands and Hebron Trust to other inquiries around the world that have investigated similar abuse, we are aware of no other circumstances or institution where the sexual abuse has been so extreme or has involved such a high proportion of perpetrators over the same extended period of time.

Ngā whakakitenga:  Ngā tūkinotanga me ngā whakangongotanga i rangona
Findings:  The impacts of abuse and neglect

187.   The Royal Commission finds in relation to the impacts of abuse and neglect:

a.         All survivors of abuse and neglect from Marylands, the Hebron Trust and St Joseph’s Orphanage who the Inquiry has heard from, have experienced significant and life-long impacts to many facets of who they are, their relationships, their potential and the life they lead. These impacts include:

›      physical injury, health and illness

›      devastating mental health impacts, including self-harm and suicidality

›      criminal offending and addiction including substance abuse

›      struggles with sexual and gender identity

›      loss of faith and spirituality

›      financial hardship and homelessness

›      lack of education, leading to further financial hardship and employment insecurity

›      inability to trust and difficulties in relationships with children, partners and whānau.

b.         Some Māori survivors were also harmed by targeted racial abuse and cultural neglect, which resulted in additional harmful impacts.

c.         Disabled survivors experienced additional trauma from targeted abuse that we now understand to be ableist abuse. Where survivors weren’t able to verbalise their trauma, inadequate supports were in place to assist them, such as supported decision-making or the use of augmented alternative communication.

d.         We have received evidence to suggest that some of those tamariki and rangatahi who were abused, neglected or both at Marylands, the Hebron Trust and the orphanage have taken their own lives, or have died as an indirect result of their experiences.